Thursday, July 28, 2005

it has been revealed

I now know how snot and food end up in the most random of places.

Now that I have a toddler.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

just for fun (thanks JettyBetty!)

What I was doing 10 years ago:
participating in a spiritual internship in inner-city St. Louis

What I was doing 5 years ago:
starting a job at a small publishing company in TX in an effort to support my grad-student-husband

What I was doing 1 year ago:
feeling like doo-doo thanks to postpartum depression

celebrating the birthday of someone I love

5 snacks I enjoy:
crackers/cheese, Bluebell ice cream, pastries, cookies, fruit

5 things I would do if I suddenly had $100 million:
go into shock, hire a lawyer, give $90 million away, build our “dream home”, buy a summer home in the northeastern US

5 places I would like to run away to:
Texas, Italy, the northeastern US, the Pacific Coast, someplace cooler

5 bad habits I have:
(my husband kindly helped me with some of these…) playing with my ears, sighing really big sighs, keeping piles of junk around that I’m always planning on organizing, asking people if they’ve washed their hands, checking my email way too often

5 things I like doing:
creative-like things (scrapbooking, making cards, beading necklaces), taking photographs, hanging with people I love, writing, watching movies

5 TV shows I like:
Oprah, Lost, Amazing Race, Everybody Loves Raymond, 24

5 things I hate doing:
messing up, shopping, the annual ob/gyn visit, cleaning the bathroom, making superficial small talk

5 biggest joys of the moment:
my husband, my kiddo, my life group, my New Living Translation Bible, that fall is only about a month away!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

braggin' on the kid

In case you haven’t heard, our son is a future Olympian. He’s proficient in all sorts of skills…shoe shuffling, title reversing, object noting, and tossing-of-the-closest-toy-at-hand.

For those of you unfamiliar with these events, here are some brief descriptions. Shoe shuffling consists of the rearranging of all footwear in mom and dad’s closet, with most shoes ending up piled between the shoe organizer and wall. Title reversing is the simple act of calling mom “Dada” and dad “Mama”. Rowan is especially adept at this skill. Object noting entails pointing at every object within sight and saying “Dis? Dis? Dis?” And that chubby pointer finger of his…I’m telling you…it’s a sight to behold. Tossing-of-the-closest-toy-at-hand is self-explanatory. It is also mom and dad’s least favorite of the events; those who participate in this sport are highly prone to injury.

Like I said…future Olympian.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

convicting questions

Check out this thought-provoking post by Larry James, president of Central Dallas Ministries, a human and community development corporation with a focus on economic and social justice in inner-city Dallas, Texas.

Friday, July 22, 2005

book tag

1. How many books have I owned?
A whole lot. I've just recently decided to make good use of my taxes and check out books from the library. It's cheaper and it saves space.

2. What was the last book you bought? Down Came the Rain (Brooke Shields)

3. What was the last book you read? All the way through...Mother Shock (Andrea Buchanan). The following books are all presently in rotation: Perfect Madness (Judith Warner), The Perfect Storm (Sebastian Junger), Blue Like Jazz (Donald Miller) and Down Came the Rain.

4. What are FIVE books that have meant a lot to you? (These are in order of when read - not favorite order.)
The Giving Tree (Silverstein)
Are You There God? It's Me Margaret (Blume)
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Lewis)
To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee)
Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them (Ortberg)

Honorable Mention: Nancy Drew series

What I Should Read:
Desiring God (John Piper)
Fast Food Nation (Eric Schlosser)
The Feminine Mystique (Betty Friedan)

Tag You're It:
Blue Eyed Tracy
Little Light

Monday, July 18, 2005

your ideal retreat

Imagine you're taking a vacation to some place purely for rest and rejuvenation. This isn't a sightseeing trip to NYC or Disneyworld. It's a trek to a friend's guesthouse or to a secluded bed-and-breakfast. Now what about that retreat would make it ideal for you? Let's have details. Food? Drink? Surroundings, both indoor and outdoor? Would you want a place to look out over a lake? Would you want to be in the woods? Would you want to watch movies? Listen to music? Would you to be by yourself the entire time or would you want interaction with your hosts? The more detail, the better.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


An interesting take on the media's coverage of celebrities versus what's really important. If you'd like to pressure the media to make a change, go to

nike always does it

Saw a really cool commercial the other day. It gave me chills. And it's been a long time since an advertisment made the hairs raise on the back of my neck. The sponsor was Nike, of course, being that they create some of the raddest spots around.

All the ad featured was footage from the 1996 press conference where Lance Armstrong announced the news that he had testicular cancer. Armstrong's voice catches as he shares the discouraging report with the media. He pauses, as if to catch his breath, and then says, "I want you all to know that I intend to beat this disease and ride again."


Sunday, July 10, 2005

just call us lucy and desi. or any other klutzy duo you can think of.

Here's the scenario: Brandon and Jana are running late to church. But oh! The congregation is having meet-and-greet time, which Jana doesn't typically really enjoy, but today she is glad people are meeting and greeting, because it means they can sneak in across the front of the auditorium and no one will notice their entrance because everyone is standing up...meeting and greeting. But oh! Brandon and Jana have been slowed down by some elderly ladies in front of them who can't decide where to sit. And oh! The praise team is assembling, like they're about to start the first song. Jana eases around the ladies and hurriedly takes off across the front of the auditorium, only to catch her foot on one of the praise team's microphone cords. She goes leaping across the floor like she's auditioning for some Broadway production, then laughs off the stumble while looking over her shoulder at the praise team member who almost had his mic ripped out of his hands. As she high-tails it down the aisle, Brandon is drawn aside by the worship minister. Apparently Brandon's fly has yet to be zipped. He nonchalantly makes use of the church bulletin to cover up until he gets to his seat.

After church Jana thanks the worship minister for saving her husband from further embarassment. The minister replies that he wouldn't have noticed the open fly if Brandon's wife hadn't almost bit the dust in front of the assembly.

Just another day in the life.

Friday, July 08, 2005

postpartum depression: muddling through the worst of it

So my doctor diagnosed a mild case of postpartum depression. (If this was “mild”, I don’t even want to imagine “severe”!) After having a massive freak-out when Brandon suggested buying a water hose, I realized things had to change. I reluctantly took my first antidepressant on Saturday afternoon. Side effects ensued. Anxiety followed. And I then began a major readjustment to life for the next few weeks. My journal entries, written at the lowest point in the valley:

July 24
Lord, I woke up anxious this morning. It is NOT FUN to wake up feeling that way. I’ve been waking up anxious almost every morning for the last week and a half. It’s a huge drag. I think all these feelings of sadness, nervousness, etc. were gradually building and then the trip to TX just pushed me over the edge. And now I don’t want to do ANYTHING! And I mean anything. I want my calendar completely clear. Indefinitely. No church. No baby showers. No appointments. No errands. No nothing! I just want to be able to relax with Brandon and Rowan. That’s all.

July 29
My parents have been here since Monday and they have been awesome. I wasn’t sure how they would handle the state I’m in, but they have been really incredible. I wish I could hire them as Rowan’s nannies. My mom has cooked a meal every day. My dad runs errands and washes dishes. And of course they play with Rowan. They are just goofy over that kid. I wish I was. Maybe someday I will be.

July 30
My parents are so good with Rowan. They’re naturals. So is Brandon. I wish I felt like a natural mom.

Aug 1
Lord, I pray for Rowan and Brandon. I want them to know that I love them. It’s hard to do much right now (playing with Rowan, household chores, etc) because of my low energy level. I pray that you will return my energy to me so I can express love for them in more than just words. Lord, this is an unsettling place to be. Have mercy on this feeble soul.

They had this little piece on PPD on CBS news tonight. Weird! Very timely. One mom said she wanted to injure herself so she could be hospitalized so someone could take care of her. I identify!

Aug 3
Lord, please make me strong. I can’t do this without you. I feel so weak right now. Weak, afraid, sad. And it is so frustrating to feel this way while I want to be enjoying Rowan in all his babyhood!

Aug 11
I won’t curse you Lord. Even though you allowed Satan to rob Job of his very family, he didn’t curse you. I can’t say with confidence that I would be as strong as Job in that situation. Of course, Job did question you. So I guess there is a difference between questioning and cursing. I’ve thought about cursing you every once in awhile, but then I think You’re all I have to hang onto. If I didn’t have You to hope in, would there even be a reason for going on?

Aug 12
No offense to Rowan, but I kind of wish it was still just Brandon and me. I feel guilty saying that because I know there are people out there who desperately want a baby.

Aug 13
God, when will this depression/anxiety end? Will I ever be free from all this worrying? Maybe it would be okay for me to die young. At least then I wouldn’t have to think about all this crap like I do now. I don’t even know what to pray for. How do I “pray continually” if I don’t even know what to talk to you about? It’s the same thing all the time: health, peace, joy. God, why did you make me? Why did you put me here? I don’t know. I just don’t KNOW! And it’s hard to talk to people like how I write in my journal because I’m afraid of running people off. I’m afraid people are going to grow weary of all this. And then they might abandon our friendship. I mean, who wants to be friends with – and constantly listen to – someone who worries like I do? I don’t know if I would.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

london bridge has fallen down

Is it just futile to pray for world peace? Sometimes I feel like it is.

Friday, July 01, 2005

you go girl

Brooke Shields has her say in the New York Times.