if I only had a brain

Well, I did it. I ruined Thanksgiving. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration. Although I was thinking differently when I saw the look on Brandon's face around 11 a.m. on Thursday morning. Apparently, amidst all the busyness in the kitchen, I somehow managed to turn off the oven...the oven that should have been roasting the bird. Oops. But what would the holidays be without some kind of mishap? So we ended up having lunch at 3 p.m. instead of noon. Here's the thing...Brandon should know by now that I am suffering from a severe case of MBS...Mushy Brain Syndrome. I tell some of my friends that after I gave birth to Rowan, my brain slid out right behind him. The days of doing simple mathmatics in my head are over. The days of never using spellcheck are over. I even forgot to buckle my seatbelt when riding around in the front seat the other day (something which I never would have done in the pre-baby days). I guess there IS somewhat of an advantage to my newfound absentmindedness. Nowadays, when I make an incredibly lame joke or idiotic comment, I can blame it on being a new mom, and everyone seems to readily accept that explanation. Before I had Rowan, the moronic statements were all Jana. But now I just chalk it up to motherhood. And for how long can I use that excuse?!?

texas vs. tennessee

As I rocked Rowan to sleep for his morning nap, I wept. I feel so incredibly torn between the options of living in Texas close to our biological families or living in Tennessee where I feel like we have finally settled into our community. The draw to be near family is strong, sometimes overwhelming. Especially now that Rowan has made his appearance. There is a part of me that says if Brandon receives an offer in Texas anytime soon that we should GO...as fast as we can! But then I think of how much I enjoy being in Nashville right now. We love the neighborhood we live in. We've actually met our neighbors and had quality conversations with them! What a rarity and a blessing these days. We LOVE our pediatrician. I wrote him a note and told him that if we ever moved away from Nashville, he would have to come with us. (Still waiting to hear from him...) And then there are the Christian brothers and sisters whom we call our life group. Throughout the bumpy year we've experienced, they have consistently made themselves available for us to lean on. They have helped us move into our new home, brought us meals, called and emailed just to see how we were doing, encouraged me to visit the doctor for various issues (even offered to accompany me on my visit!). They have babysat Rowan for free, prayed for us, gave us space when we needed it. They have demonstrated God's love to us in innumberable ways. I feel especially grateful to Paige, Kathryn, Ginger, Jodi and Melissa who showed special concern to me while I was struggling with postpartum depression. Why would I want to voluntarily leave these people?!? We pray to God for clarity and guidance about where we should be, but never feel really sure about His direction. Hence our dilemma. But what a blessing of a dilemma...deciding between the family we love in Texas and the family we love in Tennessee.

having a baby changes everything...

...including how you view Johnson & Johnson commercials! I just finished watching the "Having a Baby Changes Everything" ads on the J&J website, and the tears were flowing free. I especially identify with the one ad that shows a baby wearing different hats...the voiceover talks about how "you used to spend hours trying to look glamorous...who knew that one day you'd spend hours trying to look silly?" It could not be more true. I feel guilty sometimes because I don't get around to "fixing myself up" many days. Of course, I'm still in the dawn of Rowan's childhood. From what everyone tells me, I'll one day have time to wash my hair and put on mascara again. But until then, I'll deal with not looking that glamorous (not that I was ever much of a glam girl to begin with!). And I'll just enjoy spending hours trying to look silly. Having a baby really does change everything.

the upcoming holidays

Well, it's my first holiday season with a baby in tow. Wonder how this is all going to pan out. Fortunately, he's not expecting much. At least I don't THINK he is, being that he's never experienced Christmas before. We decided to forego any traveling this season since we've had such a heckuva year thus far. So now, everyone is coming here! Paw, Gram, Grammy Cheryl, Uncle Darren and Aunt Julia all have plans to visit. Suddenly, this morning, I felt the need to kick into high-holiday-gear, and I started feeling a little stressed. But I can't afford to feel stressed out anymore now that I have a little one who I'd rather not convey stressed-out-emotion to. He'll come to feeling stressed out on his own soon enough. He doesn't need a frazzled mommy running around. (Exactly who am I writing this to? This online journal, I mean. It's weird. I don't really have the freedom to write about certain things or people because anyone could read it. But there's not necessarily anyone reading it anyway! So why am I doing this???)

the prez election

Who would have figured that my first official blog entry would have been about the presidential election? Brandon and I were wishing we could have hosted a little election party last night, but I don't how enjoyable it would have been considering the fact that our household consisted of a Bush-voter, a Kerry-voter, and a non-voter. (Of course, the non-voter goes to bed at 7 p.m. and wears diapers so I'm not sure how much input he would have had.) Nonetheless, we just wanted to celebrate democracy-in-action. How exciting to be a part of the country's selection process for our leaders. And personally, I LOVE the debating that goes on between differing parties. That's one of the ultra-cool things about the USA...we are all free to argue and debate and share our opinions, no matter what they are. To quote former presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson, "Freedom rings where opinions clash." America rocks. Keep voting.