dress this

Several years ago, before we moved to Nashville, Brandon and I attended a church retreat with a class of young married couples. Besides the fact that I came down with a sore throat, our cabinmates abandoned us, and Brandon was reprimanded for playing his guitar during worship, the retreat was actually fun. The speakers were good, the material was helpful, the hikes in the rugged country were peace-inducing. But the best part – and I mean THE…VERY…BEST…PART – was our Sunday morning wrap-up. I don’t remember much from the morning…I was in a sickly stupor…but I do remember one guy saying something to the effect of: “I’m sure this is going to ruffle a few feathers, but ladies, come on. Put some makeup on. Wear a dress every once in awhile. Look nice for your husbands.” (As if a woman couldn’t look attractive wearing pants and lip gloss…) Yes, that was definitely the best part of the whole retreat. I would do it all over again, the sickness, the cabinmate abandonment, if I could only hear this 30-something man impart his wisdom once more. Just ask Brandon, who is always very good about unruffling my feathers!

I have often heard this mantra preached in the church: wives should “look pretty” for their husbands. This theory is usually based on the idea that men are stimulated by sight, thus wives have a responsibility to appeal to their husbands’ line of vision. But like the old saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” So what’s attractive to one husband is not to another. Some husbands prefer high-maintenance, tailored, manicured wives. Some prefer low-maintenance, flip-flop-sporting, ponytailed wives. And some just prefer their wife, no matter what she looks like. So to tell a group of women to “put some makeup on” and “wear a dress” is pretty goofy, in my opinion.

In addition, just as men are generally stimulated by sight, women are generally stimulated by touch. So why haven’t I heard it preached that husbands need to be giving their wives daily headrubs, back-scratchings, foot massages? Hmm. Interesting.

The “always look pretty for your husband” train-of-thought plays into our American society’s twisted thinking that a woman has to look a certain way to be met with approval. Hair must be fashionably styled, eye shadow applied like so, legs waxed, backsides firm, and so on. No, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with makeup or hairspray or flattering outfits. But really. If God had wanted us to have thicker eyelashes, don’t you think He would have brushed them on to begin with?

And while we’re on the subject of God, doesn’t some of the oldest wisdom in the world say that it’s the INSIDE that matters? It sure does, right there in I Peter 3: "Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within...."

I guess it all boils down to what works for you and yours. If the only way your husband is happy is if you’re wearing leather pants and stilettos, and YOU’RE OKAY WITH THAT, then so be it. If your husband expects you to wear makeup from sunup to sundown, and YOU’RE OKAY WITH THAT, then so be it. But if there’s conflict in your relationship because you don’t look like a supermodel all the time, if your husband has a problem with the fact that you simply don’t have time to shave your legs every day, a friendly discussion might be in place.

Well, Brandon will be home soon. Guess I should put on some deodorant.