Thursday, February 10, 2005

heart on the table

Have you ever dumped a little bit of your heart out on the table, made yourself vulnerable, only to have the person across from you drop it on the floor and stomp on it? Or maybe nothing quite that dramatic...maybe they just flicked it back across the table to you? Either way it hurts. To be rejected. Looked at like a freak. Ignored. It's happened to me recently. And I'm sure it will happen again. But it makes me grateful for the people in my life who don't look at me like I just stepped off the circus husband, our parents, our life group, our friends in New York and Virginia and Texas...

I am grateful for Brandon who -- when I said "I'm nervous and scared and I don't think I can do this" -- told me that he would be beside me and I could hold on to him.

I am grateful for my parents who listened to a raving lunatic teenager cry about her nutty friends and unrequited crushes.

I am grateful for our life group who -- when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression last summer -- offered to babysit Rowan and quietly listened and did their best to understand.

Love without condition. Isn't that what Jesus was all about? I pray I can do the same for the others...even the ones who flick my heart back across the table.


Blogger J-Wild said...

Jana, to love without condition is the greatest thing we can strive for as God's creation. Thank you for your transparency and for your beautiful words. They really moved me.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Unconditional love is a toughy! For me, it's only easy to unconditionally love some people in my life. It's really hard for me to love those like whom you've described. I think God knows it's not easy for us - but that's certainly not an excuse. Thanks for the reminder to get my heart on the table (without prerequisites) more these days.

8:45 AM  

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