Thursday, June 02, 2005

what now?

The question of the morning is...what now? I just dropped off Rowan for his first day of preschool. He was fine. And so was I (for the most part). Brandon accompanied us, the teacher gave me a whirlwind tour of where to stash Rowan's stuff, we paid our tuition and left. As I left Brandon at work, he said "You did good." And then, as I drove off and watched my husband get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, I teared up. When dozens of emotions crash into each other, tears are inevitable, aren't they? I feel excited for Rowan to make friends. I feel relieved to have a few hours to myself every week. I feel a little guilty about feeling relieved. I wonder if Rowan's teachers are going to look out for him as much as I do. I start to understand why some parents might be hesitant to enroll their children in public schools. I wonder if Rowan will miss me; I want him to...just a little at least. I think, if it's this hard to let him go to preschool, what about kindergarten? Middle school? College? Halfway around the world to serve in the military?


Blogger Amanda said...

Don't feel guilty! You have given so much of yourself to Rowan over the last year. It isn't wrong to want a few hours to yourself each week.

Think about it this way (I can compare it to ministry since I'm not a mom): When you're in ministry, you can get burned out. If you are burned out as a minister, you have nothing of yourself left to give to those who you are ministering to.

Being a mom is a HUGE ministry, I really believe that. (And I'm not suggesting that you're burned out), but now, because you are able to have a few hours each week for yourself to re-charge, you will be better able to give Rowan and Brandon everything they need throughout the rest of the week.

You are still a wonderful mother. Enjoy your "you" time. You deserve it. :o)

4:44 PM  
Blogger Clarissa said...

Now, Jana, let's count ... there are one hundred sixty-eight hours in a week. 168!!! He'll be there for, what, 5 of those hours? You deserve it, girl. 5 teeny-tiny hours. I'll bet they flew by, too!

5:45 PM  
Blogger jch said...

You put your son in pre-school?

Kidding. Really. We so wish Sophia could go to preschool but you wouldn't believe the prices here in NYC. Ugh. We realize her socialization skills amongst her peers are a bit shaky. I'm glad Rowan is getting that experience. Good stuff.

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same here in L.A. , Joe. Keely's just turned three and she can't go until next Fall, because well, I need my kidneys and I'd have to sell one to pay for it. Jana, here are some things you can do: massage, manicure/pedicure. SLEEP, coffee with a friend,read a whole book, anything fun and just for you! I know it is so hard to leave them, even for a second. Even God took a break on the 7th day! You DESERVE this time. Have fun!

11:13 AM  
Blogger Finally an Abrigg..... said...

we are a full time baby-sitting job here at the middle school level. :) kidding. sometimes! enjoy yourself. I agree with Karise (Hi Karise, Molly Carrigan here. I know you and David remember me. I was your favorite in the SH youth group YEARS ago. I can't believe you have 2 kids! Holy Hannah!.)
i will i'm sure hysterically lose it when i send my kids off to preschool too! way to go, way to have courage. :)

11:17 AM  

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