Thursday, June 02, 2005

what now?

The question of the morning is...what now? I just dropped off Rowan for his first day of preschool. He was fine. And so was I (for the most part). Brandon accompanied us, the teacher gave me a whirlwind tour of where to stash Rowan's stuff, we paid our tuition and left. As I left Brandon at work, he said "You did good." And then, as I drove off and watched my husband get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, I teared up. When dozens of emotions crash into each other, tears are inevitable, aren't they? I feel excited for Rowan to make friends. I feel relieved to have a few hours to myself every week. I feel a little guilty about feeling relieved. I wonder if Rowan's teachers are going to look out for him as much as I do. I start to understand why some parents might be hesitant to enroll their children in public schools. I wonder if Rowan will miss me; I want him to...just a little at least. I think, if it's this hard to let him go to preschool, what about kindergarten? Middle school? College? Halfway around the world to serve in the military?

5 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

Don't feel guilty! You have given so much of yourself to Rowan over the last year. It isn't wrong to want a few hours to yourself each week.

Think about it this way (I can compare it to ministry since I'm not a mom): When you're in ministry, you can get burned out. If you are burned out as a minister, you have nothing of yourself left to give to those who you are ministering to.

Being a mom is a HUGE ministry, I really believe that. (And I'm not suggesting that you're burned out), but now, because you are able to have a few hours each week for yourself to re-charge, you will be better able to give Rowan and Brandon everything they need throughout the rest of the week.

You are still a wonderful mother. Enjoy your "you" time. You deserve it. :o)

4:44 PM  
Blogger Clarissa said...

Now, Jana, let's count ... there are one hundred sixty-eight hours in a week. 168!!! He'll be there for, what, 5 of those hours? You deserve it, girl. 5 teeny-tiny hours. I'll bet they flew by, too!

5:45 PM  
Blogger jch said...

You put your son in pre-school?

Kidding. Really. We so wish Sophia could go to preschool but you wouldn't believe the prices here in NYC. Ugh. We realize her socialization skills amongst her peers are a bit shaky. I'm glad Rowan is getting that experience. Good stuff.

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same here in L.A. , Joe. Keely's just turned three and she can't go until next Fall, because well, I need my kidneys and I'd have to sell one to pay for it. Jana, here are some things you can do: massage, manicure/pedicure. SLEEP, coffee with a friend,read a whole book, anything fun and just for you! I know it is so hard to leave them, even for a second. Even God took a break on the 7th day! You DESERVE this time. Have fun!
Karise

11:13 AM  
Blogger Finally an Abrigg..... said...

we are a full time baby-sitting job here at the middle school level. :) kidding. sometimes! enjoy yourself. I agree with Karise (Hi Karise, Molly Carrigan here. I know you and David remember me. I was your favorite in the SH youth group YEARS ago. I can't believe you have 2 kids! Holy Hannah!.)
i will i'm sure hysterically lose it when i send my kids off to preschool too! way to go, way to have courage. :)

11:17 AM  

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