what now?

The question of the morning is...what now? I just dropped off Rowan for his first day of preschool. He was fine. And so was I (for the most part). Brandon accompanied us, the teacher gave me a whirlwind tour of where to stash Rowan's stuff, we paid our tuition and left. As I left Brandon at work, he said "You did good." And then, as I drove off and watched my husband get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, I teared up. When dozens of emotions crash into each other, tears are inevitable, aren't they? I feel excited for Rowan to make friends. I feel relieved to have a few hours to myself every week. I feel a little guilty about feeling relieved. I wonder if Rowan's teachers are going to look out for him as much as I do. I start to understand why some parents might be hesitant to enroll their children in public schools. I wonder if Rowan will miss me; I want him to...just a little at least. I think, if it's this hard to let him go to preschool, what about kindergarten? Middle school? College? Halfway around the world to serve in the military?