twenty years from now...

As I drove to a bookstore bordering the Vanderbilt campus this morning, I thought about it being exam week and how university students everywhere would be wrapping up their finals today. In the midst of unbuckling Rowan from his carseat, I glanced up to see a college-age kid pull into the parking lot, his Lexus SUV (we're talking Vanderbilt here) packed to the gills with all his belongings. A wave of nostalgia swept over me, and I thought about my son, my mother and my brother all in the same moment. I looked at the one-year-old in front of me and thought about how one day that college kid will be Rowan, and I'll be the mother missing his presence in my home. That, of course, made me think of my mom -- moms everywhere, in fact -- and I felt what I think was a tiny bit of the ache that comes with sending your children out into the world. Dressed in his polo shirt and knee-length shorts, the Vandy student made me think of my brother as well, and the dynamic of the mother-son relationship -- a relationship that I am now eternally a part of.

I prayed for that kid this morning. He had a long drive ahead of him (his license plate read Texas!). I prayed for his family, and that he would remember to show special honor to his mother this coming Sunday. He probably has no inkling how much she misses him.

As much as I long for an extended break from the mommy life sometimes, I'm starting to realize that -- just like learning how to be a mother -- letting go of my child is going to be a lot harder than I ever expected.