Thursday, May 05, 2005

ayelet waldman, part 2

A few weeks ago, writer Ayelet Waldman and her NY Times piece "Truly, Madly, Guiltily" were the center of a discussion on Oprah. The gist of the article is that her relationship with her husband takes priority over her relationship with her children. She points out that many mothers, after having children, seem to refocus all their passions and energies on the offspring, leaving nothing for their husbands.

I don't care for how Waldman equates love with sex. She writes: "I am the only woman...who seems to be, well, getting any..." and follows that with how she wishes her other mommy pals "could experience a love as deep as my own." But I DO agree with her point that we should make maintaining our spousal relationships top priority, not to the neglect of our children but, in fact, to nurture them and teach them by example how to love another.

1 Comments:

Blogger Kate said...

Oh, I really wish I had seen this whole Oprah. I too had a similar reaction about the danger of equating love with sex. I also understand that some people feel guilty if they focus their attention on anyone but their children. I think having this discussion from the perspective of a Christian marriage would make it somewhat easier...or maybe harder...
ANYWAY, I was raised in a family where my parents went out together regularly, my grandparents went out together regularly, there were frequent (usually appropriate =) PDAs between the married couples...
From a phrase I heard Waldman say, I agree that you should have a different kind of love relationship with your husband than with your kids. And your kids need to see your love for each other - and if the relationship is all about sex, they won't see the love. At the same time, I think we women are quick to say that "sex doesn't matter in marriage" - that's where I think we go wrong. It does matter. If there is love without a healthy sexual relationship, I think the growth of love in the marriage is hindered. And by healthy I don't mean frequency, I mean foundation, perspective, and mutual happiness.

9:00 AM  

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